Lazy

I'll try the rhythm.
But it won't be easier
Than not trying it.

Materialism.

Can't rescind harsh words.
Cancer billows from my lips.
Immaturity.
Drenched in rain, quintessential.
Breathe it down into your lungs.

I want to taste it, hear it, feel it. Life...

Maybe if I die,
I'll feel like I felt alive.
I'm not extreme. But -
Maybe I'll drive fast enough,
Or scream loud enough to know.

New poetry form for me: Tanka. I'm not emo or suicidal. FYI.

For some reason,

Rain, only tonight,
Feels less like the tears of God,
And more like my own.


wrote this last night.

When I'm with you,

I see skyscrapers -
You never make me taller.
While I shrink, you grow.

Compliance Traps

It's called foot-in-door.
When each event is little,
I cannot object.

this is the haiku version. I'm working on the longer one, still, and I doubt I'll ever finish it.

What is going on?

God is crying on me.
His tears bead on my skin,
Cling to my eyelashes.
I slam the door to escape (from what?),
And barbaric sounds emerge
From my strained* throat.

I stand, waiting for my turn.
No time left, I turn to depart.
Say goodbye, please, say it.
I turn, and nothing stops me.
Dazed, in a trance, numb -
I don't get a turn at the watering hole.

Suddenly, I'm in it -
Gasping, liquid filling my lungs.
I'm not intoxicated, but
Which way is up?
Opening my eyes stings,
All I see are bubbles.

Where am I?



*looking for a word that means "previously unused but now is used" preferably with a connotation of now out of date, rusted, not smooth.







what the fuck.

Graduation Speech for Auditions Tomorrow

Millard West says that it strives to impart a "world-class education" to each of its students. Each and every vessel of knowledge that each and every day of four years passes the "Home of the Wildcats" sign- except when you have to park in "Lot E...ven-Worse-Than-The-Dirty-Lot"-, and for four years crosses the threshold, through one of the heavy metal and glass barriers between school and everything that is outside school, ought to receive a "world-class education," according to Millard West's mission statement, which is the first thing you see when you open the Internet Explorer browser on a school computer, the banner on Millard West's home page. Maybe you've never really read it consciously; so I'll recite it for you now: "Millard West High School, a professional learning community dedicated to the process of continuous improvement, will guarantee that all learners achieve a World-Class Education." That sentence says a lot about Millard West and what it is striving for, but I'm going to focus on the fact that Millard West is supposed to guarantee a "world-class education." When I think of world-class, I traditionally think of striving to be among the best in the world, but when it comes to education, and more specifically the commencement of a new path in life in lieu of secondary education, this paradigm does not quite fit.
Looking out from where I'm standing, in Omaha, Nebraska, about to receive my high school diploma, with a house I call home, and a family unafflicted with any terminal illnesses, it is hard for me to imagine calling my life anything less than "world-class" by the definition previously presented. It is easy for me, however, to see the little flaws in my life, I've caught myself complaining about my car's gas mileage, but I have a car to drive. I've caught myself complaining about having to sleep on a hide-a-bed, but I have a bed to sleep in. It's hard from where I stand to imagine a life less than "world-class" by the previous definition, and similarly, it is difficult to imagine an education less than "world-class," with well-qualified staff and administrators (a 16:1 student-teacher ratio), high-quality technology, and a clean and new facility. Millard West visibly attains a "world-class education" in this regard, graduating over 95(?)% of our senior class.
What I purport is to view a "world-class education" in a different way, to see Millard West a starting point for the good we can do in the world. I challenge you as soon-to-be-graduates of this educational establishment put your "world-class education" to use in a very important way: to make the world a better place. We have already begun to do this, starting the Justice League this year to raise awareness for the genocide in Darfur, promoting Amnesty International to shed light on the human rights abuses around the globe, I - personally - have worked together with National Honors Society to raise awareness for the 22-year Ugandan Civil War in efforts to see its end. We - The Millard West Class of 2008 - even prompted our administration to form a committee dedicated to these types of global issues. We have already begun to change the world for the better, and it has only been through the help of Millard West's supportive faculty that we have had these opportunities. I challenge you to fulfill the rule that we learned as youngsters - Leave the world better than you found it. We are well on our way, but we can't stop now - we can't become self-interested as we go on to higher education or careers - instead we must press on, utilizing our "world-class education" to better the world instead of perpetually seeking only to better ourselves, for the only way to truly better ourselves, and to truly understand the world, is to start by trying to better the lives of those who can't do it on their own. As a blessed student body with "world-class" lives, there is no doubt that it is easy to think first about ourselves and spend any left-over time on "good deeds." But to truly meet the obligations of world-class learners, we must make the betterment of our planet, our world a priority.

COMMENTS? I'm auditioning after school, so let me know if something does not zen (is that a verb?) with you. The people that decide if I get to speak at commencement are a panel of teachers and administrators, FYI.

"Must Be"

There must be blood
Rushing to my fingertips
For my hands have ridges
Like little hills.

And the snow above -
The white, clenched knuckles -
Is a sign of restraint.
I must not let go.

There must be blood
Rushing to my brain
For my cheeks are red
Like a field of posies.

And the brook or stream -
The one trickling from my eye -
Is a sign of embarrassment.
I do not know what to say.

There must be blood
Rushing from me
For I am lightheaded - dizzy -
And you caused it.

And the red on your sleeve
Must be my blood - you've cut me.
(Maybe it's not blood at all.
But you have indeed cut me.)

still not sure about the last line.

Profundity

I'm trying to write a speech. Auditions for graduation speakers are next Tuesday, and I don't even have one word yet. I want to talk about "truth." I believe in it. With all my heart. But I'm having a hard time picking out the reasons for seeking it. Why have I sought it? Why will I continue to? Why should others do the same? I believe that my speech should answer these questions. It also should speak specifically to each of the graduates, the parents/relatives/family friends, and the administration/teachers. It should avoid clichés while remaining classic and more or less timeless. I want it to have the power to bring tears to at least one individual's eyes. You'd think that with the 500 odd speeches I've given in high school, this one would be a breeze. But I'm not trying to win anything here, although I guess in a way I'll be trying to pursuade, I'll be speaking my mind, not just arguing for the hell of it. I'm not used to that.

I'm ready, so don't stop.

Tonight I'll be traveling with Izzie and her family. It's quite sporadic.

After school in the parking lot, I had a blast, even though Landon pennied my car a little. It's already scratched. I love friendship and laughing. But who doesn't? Hitler, maybe. - no he probably liked it, too.

Death.

Life is terminal:
A disease without a cure -
Cryonics, maybe?

A Book of Answers

Someone told me I should write a book of questions -
I guess it seems I have a lot of them -
Questions, however, exist to perplex,
So I - alternatively - wish that I could write a book of answers.
This book would be the new fountain of youth -
What all have been waiting for - searching for.
But I do not aspire to greatness.
Rather, truth.
Yes.
And maybe that fact - that simple word -
Is the reason for all of my endeavors -
The reason I argue hour upon hour,
Praying that I exposed it.
The artifact deliberately unearthed,
Brushed and prodded,
Studied and archived,
If I reveal - discover - one single truth in my moment,
It will not have been a wasted moment -
I will not have wasted a moment
Searching for that invaluable artifact -
My legacy -
My contribution.
But it's not about me.
Rather, truth.
I regress.

Michael Moore

I'm currently watching a documentary called "Manufacturing Dissent: Uncovering Michael Moore."

At one point it states: "Michael Moore could only have become popular in a vacuum. If there were a vibrant left in the United States, Michael Moore's milk toast radicalism would be laughed at rather than laughed with."

Michael Moore admits that he manipulates film to make his point.

I figured this was true when I saw "Sicko," which pointed out that socialized medicine is basically flawless, which I know to be true based on my own personal conversations with Canadians.

This is interesting.


I love Michael Moore documentaries, but this one I'm watching (by Debbie Melnyk and Rick Caine) teaches me not to take all of his facts as absolute truth.